What God Has Yoked Together . . .
The Mosaic Law required a man who was considering divorce to prepare a legal certificate. This served to deter the hasty breakup of marriages. However, in Jesus’ day, religious leaders made divorce easy to obtain. Men could divorce their wives on every sort of grounds. (“certificate of dismissal” study note on Mr 10:4, nwtsty; “divorces his wife,” “commits adultery against her” study notes on Mr 10:11, nwtsty) Jesus called attention to the fact that marriage was authorized and established by Jehovah. (Mr 10:2-12) A husband and wife were to become “one flesh” in a permanent union. The only Scriptural basis for divorce, according to Matthew’s parallel account, is “sexual immorality.”—Mt 19:9.
Today, many people view marriage, not as Jesus did, but as the Pharisees did. When problems arise, those in the world are quick to divorce. Christian couples, on the other hand, take their marriage vows seriously and strive to overcome difficulties by applying Bible principles. After watching the video Love and Respect Unites Families, answer the following questions:
How can you apply Proverbs 15:1 in your marriage, and why is this important?
*** w08 3/15 p. 22 par. 9 “Who Is Wise and Understanding Among You?” ***
9 Nevertheless, it may take real effort to improve in this area. Because of our background, some of us may not be inclined to be mild. Moreover, people around us may encourage an opposite viewpoint, saying that a person has to “fight fire with fire.” However, is this really wise? If a small fire broke out in your house, would you douse it with oil or with cool water? Pouring oil on the fire would make matters worse, whereas dousing it with cool water would likely bring the desired result. Likewise, the Bible counsels us: “An answer, when mild, turns away rage, but a word causing pain makes anger to come up.” (Prov. 15:1, 18) The next time irritations arise, either inside or outside the congregation, can we see how we can show true wisdom by reacting in a mild way?—2 Tim. 2:24.
*** ba p. 26 A Practical Book for Modern Living ***
“An answer, when mild, turns away rage, but a word causing pain makes anger to come up.” (Proverbs 15:1) It takes self-control to respond with mildness, but such a course often smooths out problems and promotes peaceful relations.
*** w87 7/1 p. 6 Managing Anger—Yours and Others’ ***
In dealing with a situation that causes us to feel angry, it helps to know how to talk about our anger without attacking the other person. There is a marked distinction between verbal aggression (“You idiot!” or, “I’ll punch you on the nose!”) and reporting one’s anger (“I am very upset” or, “I feel hurt”). Verbal aggression usually fails because it provokes the other person to retaliate, whereas reporting how you feel is less of an attack, and the other person may be moved to make amends. As the Bible says: “An answer, when mild, turns away rage, but a word causing pain makes anger to come up. An enraged man stirs up contention, but one that is slow to anger quiets down quarreling.”—Proverbs 15:1, 18.
How can you avoid problems by applying Proverbs 19:11?
*** cl chap. 18 p. 187 par. 22 Wisdom in “the Word of God” ***
22 God’s Word offers this wise counsel: “The insight of a man certainly slows down his anger, and it is beauty on his part to pass over transgression.” (Proverbs 19:11) Insight is the ability to see beneath the surface, to look beyond the obvious. Insight nurtures understanding, for it can help us to discern why another person spoke or acted in a certain way. Endeavoring to grasp his genuine motives, feelings, and circumstances may help us to dispel negative thoughts and feelings toward him.
*** g 7/08 p. 9 How to Build a Successful Marriage ***
An ancient proverb wisely observes: “It is beauty . . . to pass over transgression.” (Proverbs 19:11) Annette, mentioned previously, agrees, adding: “A good marriage is impossible without forgiveness.” She explains why: “Otherwise resentment and mistrust grow, and that is poison for a marriage. Through forgiveness, the bonds of your marriage are strengthened and you grow closer together.”
If you have hurt your spouse’s feelings, do not simply conclude that he or she will just get over it. Making peace often requires that you do one of the more difficult things marriage mates need to do: Admit that you have made a mistake. Nevertheless, find a way humbly to say something like this: “I’m sorry, Dear. I made a mistake.” A humble apology will win you respect, help build a trusting relationship, and enhance your own peace of mind.
If your marriage is at the breaking point, instead of thinking, ‘Should I get a divorce?’ what questions should you consider?
*** g 11/08 pp. 8-9 Six Keys to Personal Success ***
Principled love also “rejoices with the truth”—spiritual truth found in the Bible. (1 Corinthians 13:6; John 17:17) To illustrate: A couple who have marital problems decide to read together Jesus’ words found at Mark 10:9: “What God yoked together [in marriage] let no man put apart.” Now they have to examine their hearts. Do they truly ‘rejoice with Bible truth’? Will they view and treat marriage as sacred, as God does? Are they willing to make the effort to resolve their problems in the spirit of love? If so, they can make their marriage a success, and they will be able to rejoice in the results.
How can you be a better husband or wife by applying Matthew 7:12?
*** w15 1/15 pp. 21-22 pars. 14-17 Build a Strong and Happy Marriage ***
14 No doubt you like to be treated with dignity and respect. You appreciate it when your thoughts are acknowledged and your feelings are taken into account. But have you ever heard someone say, “I will give him a taste of his own medicine”? While such a reaction might at times be understandable, the Bible tells us: “Do not say: ‘I will do to him just as he has done to me.’” (Prov. 24:29) In fact, Jesus recommended a more positive way of handling difficult situations. This rule of conduct is so well-known that it is often called the Golden Rule: “Just as you want men to do to you, do the same way to them.” (Luke 6:31) Jesus meant that we should treat people the way we would like to be treated and not repay unkindness with unkindness. In marriage, it means that we need to put into the relationship what we hope to get out of it.
15 Married people strengthen their relationship when they are sensitive to their mate’s feelings. “We have tried to put the Golden Rule into practice,” says a husband in South Africa. “True, there are times when we’re upset, but we have worked hard to treat each other the way we would like to be treated—with respect and dignity.”
16 Do not expose your mate’s weaknesses or harp on his idiosyncrasies—not even jokingly. Remember that marriage is not a competition to find out who is stronger, who can shout louder, or who can think of the most cutting remark. True, we all have flaws, and sometimes we upset others. But there is never a justifiable reason for either a husband or a wife to use sarcastic and demeaning speech, or worse, to shove or hit each other.—Read Proverbs 17:27; 31:26.
17 Even though in some cultures men who bully or hit their wives are viewed as manly, the Bible states: “The one slow to anger is better than a mighty man, and the one controlling his temper than one conquering a city.” (Prov. 16:32) It takes great moral strength to imitate the greatest man who ever lived, Jesus Christ, and to control one’s spirit. A man who verbally or physically abuses his wife is anything but manly, and he will lose his relationship with Jehovah. The psalmist David, who himself was a strong and courageous man, said: “Be agitated, but do not sin. Have your say in your heart, upon your bed, and keep silent.”—Ps. 4:4.